Healthy Divorce: Does It Exist…?
Wednesday, 9th June 2010
While a healthy divorce may sound like a contradiction, there are distinct steps that couples can take to ensure such an emotional time is negotiated peacefully.
STEP 1: Make your plan:
When the option of divorce arrives, it is important to make an appointment with a lawyer, financial planner and friends. Time spent planning for the road ahead will help cushion the reality of divorce and visualise future problems.
Accommodation, dividing the assets, how much money you are going to need to relocate, children, living arrangements - all these issues need to be discussed and close friends and specialists can offer a more independent point of view to fuel the process.
STEP 2: Accept your reality:
Those getting divorced are often tempted to focus on the past, remembering all the good times shared and chances missed to reconcile disagreements. But, to have a healthy divorce it is important to focus on the present, admit that divorce is a reality and focus on creating a harmonious, healthy situation for the family’s future.
Honesty is key to accepting a relationship’s finality. Grief, fear, anger, doubt, regret and guilt all take their toll during divorce but revealing the truth about assets and legal needs helps all parties involved to accept what lies ahead and progress.
STEP 3: Deal with money issues and practicalities:
The recession has become a catalyst within the country’s relationships. For some, it has pulled the family unit together but for others it has highlighted existing strains within relationships, intensified by financial worries.
Those contemplating or going through a divorce in the current economic climate face additional pressures. While the notion of dropping from a dual income household to a more independent life can seem daunting, careful financial planning can aid the transition.
Selling the family home, meeting legal costs, ensuring that children are provided for; these are just some of the financial and practical problems that can arise. Realistic budgets, built after an honest assessment of remaining assets and income, are essential when planning for such a turbulent time.
Independent Financial Advisors can help guide those with money worries through the process, while those considering a divorce without such hefty legal bills should consider mediation or collaboration.
STEP 4: Communicate effectively with your former partner:
One of the many reasons a marriage can breakdown is the lack of communication between partners, but communication can be an important key when approaching divorce.
Talking to a former partner can be stressful but those with children need to accept differences and engage with each other to ensure the safety of the whole family, despite its segregated future.
By engaging in more holistic methods, such as mediation and collaboration, couples can approach divorce away from the courts and punishing legal fees. Through such methods each party’s values and beliefs can be respected, ultimately benefiting all those involved.
Solutions: Mediation and Collaboration:
Mediation takes place in the presence of an independent professional, or mediator. While often confused with counselling or marriage guidance, mediation assumes that a relationship has broken down and that both parties wish to attempt to sort out any disputes regarding children, property, finances or legal practicalities. Mediation looks at ways of resolving disputes during divorce, avoiding the court process and avoiding much stress, time and money.
Separate from mediation, divorce through a collaborative method again keeps families away from court but involves more face to face negotiation. Collaborative practice allows lawyers to help guide proceedings, in order to resolve disputes with respect for each other, while still giving support, protection and guidance to each party.
Such modern methods of divorce are not for everyone and should be approached by those willing to listen and fully embrace a healthy divorce.
Regardless of the steps taken, divorce will never be stress free and emotional pain is inevitable. But, by acknowledging guidelines and methods developed to ensure the utmost satisfaction of both parties, divorcing couples can learn to heal their wounds and restructure their lives for an independent future.
We are here to help
Call 0800 027 5999 or ask a quick question here:
