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Divorcing parents - Don't bring your battles to Court

View profile for Christopher Myles
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This blog gives a great insight into taking a positive approach to divorce, especially when children are involved and is well written by Rosalind Sedacca, a Divorce & Parenting Coach.

You’re getting divorced and you’re angry, resentful, hurt, vindictive or any combination of other painful emotions. You want to lash out, to get back at your spouse or boost your own sense of esteem. Hiring the most aggressive litigious divorce lawyer you can seems like your smartest choice. Your ex is in for a fight!

If you’re a parent who is thinking along those lines, you’re making a choice you may long regret.

If you choose a lawyer who directs you straight into a vicious court battle, the costs to you will be insurmountable – not only in financial outlay, but in emotional turmoil as well. Think long and hard before you move your divorce battle into the legal system. It is likely to take its toll on every member of your family – including your children – in the most destructive and gut-wrenching ways. It happens all the time. But it need not happen to you.

When you give your divorce outcome over to the courts, you are paving the way to unimaginable stress and frustration compounded by a sense of powerlessness that is hard to comprehend until you are in its grips. As you stand by and watch attorneys and judges make decision about your life and your future you can’t help but feel violated and helpless. The taste of revenge that you were after can easily turn into anxiety and shock when issues get twisted and victors become victims right before your eyes. The consequences can play out for years, and often, decades to come.

Sadly, your children are not protected from the emotional and psychological repercussions. When custody decisions are made by those who are focused more on financial issues than family issues, children’s needs often get pushed aside in favour of other objectives. Relationships, balance and goodwill are not prime objectives in the battle of divorce, and the scars on your children’s psyches are often overlooked in the legal blood-bath that ensues.

There are other ways. Better ways. And more ways than ever before to create a divorce that respects the rights of everyone in the family.

Before engaging that ‘killer’ attorney, talk to a Collaborative Divorce Lawyer who specialises in creating peaceful outcomes without going to court. Collaborative Lawyers are trained to use their own special skills along with the aid of financial planners, therapists, mediators and other resources to bring both sides into conversation about win-win outcomes. Children’s needs get high consideration.

Family Mediators offer another opportunity to create a fair settlement without litigation at a considerable cost saving. Family Mediators care about creating peaceful resolutions.

Learn from the lessons and mistakes of others. If you want to save yourself considerable expense – both emotionally and financially – and if you want your children to thank you when they are grown up for creating a civilised, sensible, harmonious divorce – make the right decision today. Stay in the good graces of your children and create a child-centred divorce and reap the rewards for years to come.

If you would like to contact a member of our Family Law team to discuss separation, divorce, custody arrangements for children and how family mediation and collaborative law could help your situation, please contact one of our offices and a member of the team will be happy to speak to you. We have offices in York, Selby, Malton and Pickering.

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