How to Be a Good Executor Without Losing Your Mind

Posted
AuthorLois Britchford

So, you’ve been named the executor of someone’s Will. First of all: congratulations? Condolences? A confusing mix of both?

Being an executor is technically an honour. In practice, it’s a bit like becoming the unpaid project manager of someone’s entire life admin - at the exact moment everyone else is emotional, overwhelmed, and suddenly very interested in who gets Nan’s jewellery box.

If the phrase “estate administration” makes you want to fake your own disappearance, don’t panic. Here’s your survival guide to executor life - from a private client solicitor who has seen things.

Step 1: Don’t Panic. (But Definitely Find the Will.)

Before you do anything else, locate the Will.

Hopefully it’s neatly filed away. Realistically, it’s in a mystery drawer next to old takeaway menus, expired batteries, and an old Take That CD that nobody listens to anymore (sorry Gary!).

You’ll need the original Will - not a photocopy your aunt found in a plastic wallet marked “IMPORTANT STUFF.”

If you can’t find it, don’t spiral immediately. Solicitors often store originals, and sometimes banks hold them too. Worst-case scenario, there are ways to deal with missing Wills without recreating an episode of Who Do You Think You Are?

Step 2: Death Certificates - Collect Them Like Pokémon Cards

You will need more death certificates than feels remotely reasonable.

Banks want one. Pension providers want one. Insurance companies want one. The premium bonds people definitely want one.

And somehow, everyone insists on seeing the original because apparently photocopiers stopped existing in 1997.

Top tip: order extra copies upfront. Future You will be incredibly grateful when you’re not posting the same certificate around the country like it’s going on a farewell tour.

Step 3: Welcome to Team Admin

You are now officially the captain.

Your duties as executor include:

Valuing the estate (yes, everything - houses, savings, handbags, hoarded Beanie Babies)
Paying debts
Applying for probate
Dealing with HMRC
Distributing assets according to the Will
Pretending you understand probate terminology after Googling it five minutes earlier

It sounds like a lot because… well, it is.

But probate is mostly a process of working through one mildly irritating task at a time until eventually somebody at the Probate Registry decides you’ve suffered enough.

Step 4: Resist the Urge to “Just Sort It Out”

Even if everyone verbally agrees that Uncle Steve should have the watch and your cousin should get the antique cabinet “because Nan would’ve wanted it,” your job is to follow the Will.

Not your instincts.
Not family politics.
Not whoever shouts loudest over Sunday lunch.

Executor rule number one: sentiment is lovely, but paperwork wins every time.

Also, absolutely nobody becomes their best self during inheritance discussions. Families who haven’t argued since 2009 suddenly transform into contestants on The Traitors over a £40 toaster.

Step 5: Communicate Like a PR Manager During a Scandal

Probate takes time. Sometimes a lot of time.

And when beneficiaries don’t hear updates, they start imagining things:

“Why is it taking so long?”
“Is there a problem?”
“Has Claire stolen the money?”
“Why did Dad own seventeen savings accounts?”

A quick update every now and then can save a huge amount of stress. You don’t need a corporate newsletter - just enough communication to reassure everyone that progress is happening and you haven’t fled the country.

Step 6: HMRC Still Wants Its Cut. Obviously.

Death and taxes etc. etc.

If inheritance tax is due, it usually needs sorting before probate is granted, which feels a bit like being asked to pay for dinner before the restaurant has shown you the menu.

HMRC is not particularly interested in the fact you’re grieving, stressed, or surviving entirely on beige freezer food and caffeine.

The forms are not exactly bedtime reading either. There are pages. Endless pages. Boxes within boxes. Questions you didn’t know existed.

This is normally the point where many executors discover why probate solicitors have jobs.

Step 7: Keep Records Like You’re Auditing a Small Country

Keep every receipt.
Track every payment.
Write everything down.

Because if anyone later asks:

“Where did that £312.47 go?”
“Why was the gas bill paid twice?”
“What happened to Mum’s premium bonds?”

…you’ll want answers.

Good record-keeping turns you from “suspicious family member” into “organised legal mastermind” surprisingly quickly.

Spreadsheets are your friend now. I’m sorry.

Bonus Tip: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

A lot of executors assume they have to personally handle every form, phone call, and awkward family conversation.

You don’t.

Solicitors can help with as much or as little as you want - whether that’s handling the probate application, sorting inheritance tax, or acting as the neutral third party when family politics start resembling a low-budget courtroom drama.

Honestly, sometimes having somebody else explain things professionally saves at least three passive-aggressive WhatsApps and one dramatic “Well fine then” exit from the group chat.

TL;DR?

Being an executor is basically: